I haven’t bothered reaching out to Hekate in quite some time, maybe for a couple years since the last time I tried a little ritual at a cemetery with three crossroads in the middle of a Sunday afternoon.
Lately I’ve been stuck in a rut that I know I’ve partially built myself because of impulse, stubbornness, and overall maybe bad life planning. I’ll be honest, I had zero motivation and drive in college despite excelling at classes that I thought I cared about but really didn’t. I only did those classes feeling obligated because of my parents and their tight control over finances and control over my educational future. I didn’t have the gall to tell my parents what I really wanted to do in college. I went with a STEM degree after switching two to three times from nursing, chemistry, pharmacology… etc.
I didn’t have a true passion for my degree back then and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost that passion now despite of my admiration for the sciences. I’m not as “scientifically” gifted as other students out there. The thing about having a science degree is that you gain more appreciation for life and how it works, the intrinsic nature of how an organism functions from birth to death. That’s the beauty part that probably kept me slightly interested in my degree and ultimately finishing it because it was something I got myself into.
I felt lost in college. Thinking I actually had direction but I went from one friend group to another, one one-night stand to another, figuring out my sexuality, figuring out where I stood in the midst of everything. My passion and my drive are the everchanging mental landscapes of a thirst for knowledge and always seeking answers where others may find impossible.
However, in the last few years of my college experience, I rekindled my interest in practicing witchcraft and magic. I didn’t keep it a secret from my closest friends. I didn’t put up a façade with them about practicing either. I was pretty open about it, almost too open to garner a few enemies and some side-eyes but I didn’t care. I was marching to the beat of my own drum. It was during those last three years of college that Hekate also made her presence in my life albeit in small, mysterious ways. Symbolism with keys kept popping up, I went to an occult shop north of campus and they had these skeleton keys that I kept drawing toward without any sort of rhyme nor reason why. I thought they were pretty, but something internally told me something was important about them, I just didn’t know what until I started digging my research into Hekate.
Another thing that kept popping up for me were decisions at a crossroads in my life. I kept having the word crossroad repeating in my head during times when I was stressing out about my future or what direction I’m headed in. Ultimately, the rest is history after I happened on Hekate while I was researching witchcraft. Everything made sense to me, why I was drawn to certain things, why I kept having these recurring dreams. I ignored my intuition before, but now I’m attempting to listen to it more than ever especially at this time in my life.
One significant interaction I’ve had with Hekate was when I woke up in the middle of the night half-asleep seeing a shrouded shadow figure at the foot of my bed. I was probably awake for maybe at least six seconds before passing out again, but Hekate’s name rang in my head after seeing that shrouded figure. My intuition told me Hekate.
Granted, I haven’t done any consistent devotions or rituals for Hekate in the past couple of years mainly because since I moved back in with my family after graduating college, practicing witchcraft wasn’t exactly something I could do nilly willy everyday without having my parents questioning what I’m doing in the middle of the night burning incense and having a ritual dagger laid out on my desk in my room chanting a personal devotional in the dark with a few candles lit for both ritual and ambiance.
Hell, my altar is literally acting as a stand-in bookshelf in my closet at the moment waiting for the right moment to be used again for whatever magical purpose I can conjure. Probably not the best way to treat an altar, but you do what you have to do when you live with a fundamentalist, traditional Christian family.
Writing this blog post couldn’t have come at a better time like today. March 16, 2018, the day before the new moon, which would otherwise be known as a dark moon where the strongest of intentions in casting baneful curses, hexes, and spells to drive away obstacles or any other negative energy in one’s life.
Tonight, I examine where I stand in my practice, how I practice, and what direction I need to go in order to move forward and stop being finally afraid.
I’ve stood at the edge of decisions only to walk away because of fear, demotivation, and depression. I can’t keep ignoring my fears and letting them get the best of me.
Perhaps this dark moon, I can push away that negativity and start my path to truly living.
And perhaps, finally answer the call. Hekate specifically, with Her calling in the distance.