The Dark Moon – Hekate and Her Calling

I haven’t bothered reaching out to Hekate in quite some time, maybe for a couple years since the last time I tried a little ritual at a cemetery with three crossroads in the middle of a Sunday afternoon.

Lately I’ve been stuck in a rut that I know I’ve partially built myself because of impulse, stubbornness, and overall maybe bad life planning. I’ll be honest, I had zero motivation and drive in college despite excelling at classes that I thought I cared about but really didn’t. I only did those classes feeling obligated because of my parents and their tight control over finances and control over my educational future. I didn’t have the gall to tell my parents what I really wanted to do in college. I went with a STEM degree after switching two to three times from nursing, chemistry, pharmacology… etc.

I didn’t have a true passion for my degree back then and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost that passion now despite of my admiration for the sciences. I’m not as “scientifically” gifted as other students out there. The thing about having a science degree is that you gain more appreciation for life and how it works, the intrinsic nature of how an organism functions from birth to death. That’s the beauty part that probably kept me slightly interested in my degree and ultimately finishing it because it was something I got myself into.

I felt lost in college. Thinking I actually had direction but I went from one friend group to another, one one-night stand to another, figuring out my sexuality, figuring out where I stood in the midst of everything. My passion and my drive are the everchanging mental landscapes of a thirst for knowledge and always seeking answers where others may find impossible.

However, in the last few years of my college experience, I rekindled my interest in practicing witchcraft and magic. I didn’t keep it a secret from my closest friends. I didn’t put up a façade with them about practicing either. I was pretty open about it, almost too open to garner a few enemies and some side-eyes but I didn’t care. I was marching to the beat of my own drum. It was during those last three years of college that Hekate also made her presence in my life albeit in small, mysterious ways. Symbolism with keys kept popping up, I went to an occult shop north of campus and they had these skeleton keys that I kept drawing toward without any sort of rhyme nor reason why. I thought they were pretty, but something internally told me something was important about them, I just didn’t know what until I started digging my research into Hekate.

Another thing that kept popping up for me were decisions at a crossroads in my life. I kept having the word crossroad repeating in my head during times when I was stressing out about my future or what direction I’m headed in. Ultimately, the rest is history after I happened on Hekate while I was researching witchcraft. Everything made sense to me, why I was drawn to certain things, why I kept having these recurring dreams. I ignored my intuition before, but now I’m attempting to listen to it more than ever especially at this time in my life.

One significant interaction I’ve had with Hekate was when I woke up in the middle of the night half-asleep seeing a shrouded shadow figure at the foot of my bed. I was probably awake for maybe at least six seconds before passing out again, but Hekate’s name rang in my head after seeing that shrouded figure. My intuition told me Hekate.

Granted, I haven’t done any consistent devotions or rituals for Hekate in the past couple of years mainly because since I moved back in with my family after graduating college, practicing witchcraft wasn’t exactly something I could do nilly willy everyday without having my parents questioning what I’m doing in the middle of the night burning incense and having a ritual dagger laid out on my desk in my room chanting a personal devotional in the dark with a few candles lit for both ritual and ambiance.

Hell, my altar is literally acting as a stand-in bookshelf in my closet at the moment waiting for the right moment to be used again for whatever magical purpose I can conjure. Probably not the best way to treat an altar, but you do what you have to do when you live with a fundamentalist, traditional Christian family.

Writing this blog post couldn’t have come at a better time like today. March 16, 2018, the day before the new moon, which would otherwise be known as a dark moon where the strongest of intentions in casting baneful curses, hexes, and spells to drive away obstacles or any other negative energy in one’s life.

Tonight, I examine where I stand in my practice, how I practice, and what direction I need to go in order to move forward and stop being finally afraid.

I’ve stood at the edge of decisions only to walk away because of fear, demotivation, and depression. I can’t keep ignoring my fears and letting them get the best of me.

Perhaps this dark moon, I can push away that negativity and start my path to truly living.

And perhaps, finally answer the call. Hekate specifically, with Her calling in the distance.


Fear in front of me.

I’ll admit. I have commitment issues in the context of workplace culture and co-workers. Not that I don’t get along with my current co-workers (soon to be ex-co-workers), but I miss every single person that I’ve tried to make a connection with despite of how short time was. Time was never really on my side when I made friends.

I bond a bit fast with people but I also step back as fast. 2018 has started out to be kind of rocky for a bit and I’m already feeling a little uneasy moving forward with fear rising in my gut and that’s something I shouldn’t allow.

I feel near powerless to do anything on my own. Spreading my energies thin and hoping something will happen as I passively move along with my life at the whim of other people’s time and money.

I’m sick of it all. But then the only course of action I’d try to take would have to be…. how do I stop being sick of it all and how do I start living? Truly living?

Every passing day I find it difficult to even try to start finding opportunity without some sort of guidance or help. In the past I’ve always tried to find a way on my own to start living but things have fallen backward repeatedly.

Fear. Fear is what’s blocking me. The only thing left for me to do is: how do I conquer my fear and start moving forward?

Unblock. Unlock.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged on here. Ever since I started a program at this local community college, I’ve been spending my time studying and focusing on passing the class instead of dealing with my practice. I guess I’m still learning time management and finding that sort of balance in my life.

But lately, I have come to terms with some things that have enabled me to breathe easier and not let anything bog me down. For example, stopping myself from trying to fit into a mould that people expect you to be in. For so long, I’ve tried to seek approval from other people to accept me for who I am; rather, now I want to seek approval from myself and no one else because who is truly happy living by someone else’s standards?

Should I really listen to you? No really… are you worth the time?

I’m entirely out of fucks to give about what people think anymore. Specifically, what people think I should be doing with my life and how I should do things in my life. They can talk, they can suggest, but everything has to fall on deaf ears now. I’m not listening anymore. I can find my own path somehow without all the crappy, shitty, advice that no one seems to be following themselves. This advice is coming from family members, some close friends, and a few acquaintances.

I’ve listened to people for awhile. Took some advice, both good and bad and despite of following the good ones, things didn’t resonate well with me and didn’t fit into my life. Maybe because what they advised isn’t exactly the best fit for me. This is probably why I have a slight distrust of people and also why I keep people at arm’s length because most of the time I feel like I’m either miscommunicating or misunderstood.

I’m 25 years old. Somewhat fresh out of college and I am attempting to keep some positivity in my life by not comparing myself to others and not listening to the naysayers and negative vibes that a lot of people have thrown my way. They say that, I can’t do it or it’s impossible or that I have to live my life a certain way to be successful.

Can I say a little something?

Politely, FUCK OFF. 

I’ve been around fake Christians long enough to understand that they project a lot of insecurities as well as their own twisted worldview. Do I need to get into detail? Look up Westboro, Pensacola Christian College, Bob Jones University, and Liberty University. I grew up predominantly in the South but I kept my distance from the Bible-thumping miscreants. Of course, not all Christians are bad but some I’d rather place on mute and ignore when I come into contact with them because they honestly are not worth the energy or time to engage in conversation with. No one wins with them. It’s lose-lose. You come out of the conversation exasperated and riled up and you don’t feel any better about yourself because you’re always going to be wrong in their eyes. So, that’s why I’ve elected to ignore the majority of said fake ass Christians. And moving forward….

People are always going to question what you believe in and why you believe in it. Personally, I think you need to understand what you believe and why you believe it so you can defend yourself and stand your ground, like a fucking tree. Make them move, not you. You control how you perceive the world and you are an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions and choose. Choosing how you live your life, how you believe, how you perceive other people, ideas, beliefs, and different things in this world. You get the idea. It’s like a choose your own adventure RPG.

I’ve been under a “Christian” household for most of my life and I think I’m going through a quarter life crisis or….. some sort of transformation or something (laughing my ass off).

I’ve lived my life pleasing people almost sycophantic to a point. It’s not pretty. It’s not a pleasant thing to do. You feel as if your identity belongs to someone else and that you’re not your own. Fuck that….. fuck anyone who says I can’t live my life differently than the rest of the people on this planet. I have one life to live and one shot to do all the things before the light at the end of the tunnel or some shit…. or the pearly gates.

To be quite honest, for some reason I go to Heaven one day, I’d like to separate myself from all the other Christians that have died and not associate with them up there. Maybe a quiet little meadow or something by myself and maybe with some of my good Christian friends (one in particular who’s a buddy of mine from high school). Maybe just me and him. The rest of everyone else I don’t really care for. (Insert Bible verse about a Christian separating themselves from other Christians and being like a lump of coal that won’t get near as much as warmth [or none at all, but I’m a self-starting charcoal tablet] as all the other Christians who are bundled together like a Kingsford Original). 

Jokes aside, maybe I’m just having a shitty Saturday night.

The New Age of Enlightenment(?)

I tried to conjure up a dramatic title for this post but until I can muster up something that can roll off the tongue smoothly, I’m going to roll with this one.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my practice and how gods and goddesses would play a role in my magickal workings and beliefs. In an age where technology advances faster than one can breathe, we drift into an era where the old quickly starts fading into the shadows of history. Ancient pantheons of gods and goddesses have played roles in the creation, destruction, and upkeep of the world that we think we know.

We can say, “The gods are dead! What role or hand do they have in current events?” Or we can also say, “The gods are alive and real, and their influences are as mysterious as their ageless origins.” Perhaps, we have different ways of worship, of taking into account how these gods and goddesses are perceived in the world. Do they keep rule over their domain? Do they trifle with other pantheons? Is there some gigantic cosmic war that rages on in the unseen realm among pantheons vying for power and the worship they deserve? (I’ve probably been watching a little too much American Gods, but besides that).

Think about it. What do deities really want from us? Do they control us? Do they guide us? Do they merely wish to have rulership and domain over certain aspects of our lives, the world, the Universe?

Religion has been a curious concept to me ever since I was a child. I’ve always wondered why we worship things, why we have a need to fill a metaphorical void in ourselves to associate with a higher being with power no human can even comprehend. Most New Age ideas would say that we are in the process of attaining Godhood or becoming like the gods……. yet few and far between have actually proven such a thing. I’ve yet to believe a man or woman who’s attained some sort of spiritual enlightenment in their life….. basically I’m saying I don’t trust a human without a dark side. Light and dark is as much a part of the world as we know it. Dichotomies exist. Sure, fluidity is a thing but we can’t deny the fact that certain things exist as two. Opposites attract (or repel), mundane and spiritual, physical and immaterial, etc.

With the knowledge we have so far up to this point in history, we have many claims, facts, theories, studies, laws, and such that we use as a foundation to make sense of the Universe. How we use that knowledge…. well, I guess that purpose has yet to fulfill itself… does it?

Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You

I haven’t bothered to write anything in this blog recently since real life has been taking up most of my time and I’ve also been busy with some summer classes that are currently in progress. I still haven’t forgotten my practice though or rather what’s left of it.

Returning to a spiritual practice has been the last thing on my mind since I’ve been doing some soul-searching for the past year since I graduated college. I feel that as a part of my growing identity, college has been a major impact in my life moreso than I’d like to think. The people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve encountered, and the inner moments that have been on the level of life-changing.

So, I’ve thought about lately what I could write about and it’s going to be something simple. It’s learning to let go of what no longer serves you. 

I started out with the little things. Throwing away pieces of paper in my journal that no longer served any sort of emotional construct or meaning. Clearing out my digital life (social media accounts, desktop files, computer files), old notebooks, old documents.

And then emotionally I had to deal with letting people go and any personal attachments associated with them. Of course you never truly forget the ones who have hurt you but with time and distance it can be cathartic and easier to work with.

When you start out letting go of the small things, it sort of becomes easier to let go of the bigger things that have been eating up your time mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Spiritually clearing out is another thing as well. You learn to prioritize what is important and what needs to be dealt with so you can breathe easier in your life.

What are some things you no longer need in your life?